“My Hubby Has A Prince Albert

on his baby carrot
to blight his King Edwards.
He’d tickle your Vesuvius, love.”
Says Martin. I love shopping
with him. Gay blokes know what’s
good on you.

He says “My sister got Pound Shop threaded eyebrows:
two black slugs on a ledge.
Elizabeth Taylor weeps.

Yoga pants with holy knees.
She’s been shagging on the carpet.
Should have carpet burns
where her pants are ripped.

Looks like a bull with a ring
through its nose this septum thing.
She hasn’t got a jewellery box,
so dangles it all off her ears.

Bright and bold stripes. Ha!
She looks like a bloody deckchair,
or Denise the Menace. Put up or shut up.

Smiley piercings inside her top lip,
when she smiles looks like a lonely
curtain ring that’s lost its curtain.”
I love Martin. Wish straight blokes
were more like him.

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